So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
