I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
accomplished twins. life is a go
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
