look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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