i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
