I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
