Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
