well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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