Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize