yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
