if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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