Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
