I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
