Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
