I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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