Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
