1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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