he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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