She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
