Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
