would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
