my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
