I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
