Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
