Got a toothbrush?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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