It's Friday. Sex?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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