I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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