Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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