This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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