how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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