Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
