nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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