I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
