playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
