sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
