You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
