tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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