Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
