if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
