2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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