If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
