We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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