I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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