guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
did i walk over a car last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
