you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
