just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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