so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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