I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize