you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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