i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize