I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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