If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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