Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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