just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
