The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
