peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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