Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
