It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
