when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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