if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
