Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
