fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
