GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
