I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
