You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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