At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
