I think I died a long time ago.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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