i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
