WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
