So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
