I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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