Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
