Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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