He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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