Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
