Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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